New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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