u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Dear god my vagina.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
