hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
