C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
