have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
