Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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