She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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