There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
