how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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