fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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