cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
