I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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