Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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