I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
