i need an iv and a liver transplant
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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