I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
