4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
