so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
