If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
zippers are such a cool invention
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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