Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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