We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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