Will you blow on my dice?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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