In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
