I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
