I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
