hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
