He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
