he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
