i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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