I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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