you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just found a bag of teeth...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Let's get the cat blown out
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
