I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Threesome in a minivan. New low
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
