My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
