we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
