If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
