So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
