It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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