They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
