some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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