The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So many bounce houses so little time
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
