I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
