i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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