My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
