totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
