I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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