I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
