look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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