I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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