I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
