the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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