I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
