she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
