i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
