The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
